The Truth About Suicide
November 8th 2006 10:48
It’s 5:00 a.m. on Wednesday, November 8 on the East Coast in the United States. Typically, I don’t celebrate birthdays . . . I mark them. Today would have been my father’s 75th birthday, but he chose to end his life with a bullet to the head in 1965. He left behind two parents, a wife, and two children . . . me and my older brother. I was four-years-old at the time . . . now I’m 45 and not a day goes by that I don’t wonder, question, grope, etc. with regard to why he did it, and what life would be like if he hadn’t. I am a Presbyterian minister, happily married for 22 years with four beautiful children; but the “dark side” of the family portrait is this: while my family is attractive and functional, and while I appear to be relational, well-adjusted, and normal (whatever that means); I have a hole in my heart large enough to put your foot through. I constantly question if I’ve worked hard enough, loved my wife enough, if I’ve cared for my children enough, etc. Suicide ends more than one life . . . it creates havoc and misery in the lives of everyone close to the person who is gone. I won’t bore you with all my family shit, but I will tell you that I exist as one with no boundaries, standards, or markers save those I’ve discovered in Sacred Scripture. It is here where I’ve found hope, and the perfect man (the infinite God-man): Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and savior, and while I’m by no means conformed to his image yet, I continue (by his grace) to strive to be every day. He shows me how to be a husband, a father, a neighbor, a minister, etc., and without daily interaction with him, I would no doubt be some sorry bastard in desperate need of institutionalization. My father’s suicide has destroyed much, but the crucified and resurrected Christ can reverse the effects of life in a sin-stained world. Is life perfect? No; actually it sucks on a daily basis . . . but I’m dealing with it and I’m not alone.
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Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
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I think most (as in 90 %) people have that black hole in their heart in some shape or form.
I like to think of life as a ledger.
Hopefully the good in one's life far outweighs the bad & it is only in those moments where you dwell on the negatives that it gets you down.
To avoid black holes is to have lived a charmed life mate.